history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
