First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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