you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
