After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
