I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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