I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm at about main and main street
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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