You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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