I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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