I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
