well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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