i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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