this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
