So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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