Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
