Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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