I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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