I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
