You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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