she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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