i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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