So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
