Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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