CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
