Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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