You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
