I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
