i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
