Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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