these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
