Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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