I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
