why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
