dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
