your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
