Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize