There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
