I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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