Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
