I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
