marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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