One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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