Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
