the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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