I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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