Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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