i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish there were birth control emojis
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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