and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
