She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
