he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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