just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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