look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Two words: blizzard sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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