i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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