Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
