I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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