So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
