FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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