I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
