i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
