1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
