i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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