I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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