im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
