Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
